Do you ever get in one of those funky moods where you just kind of lose interest in everything? Currently, that's where I am. The long-distance between Kris and I is taking it's toll. There is a possibility he might stay in Oregon and not move back which means a decision needs to be made and I can honestly say I'm not good with distance. It's the reason my last relationship fell apart at the end. I have no desire to work out, no inspiration for photography, no desire to do anything really but read and watch tv. You easily get wrapped up in movies and books in that way where once it's finished, you find yourself longing for it to be real and continue. I've been very nostalgic actually... Found myself rereading and rewatching Harry Potter... I remember when the book first came out in the States. Before it was such a big hit and became the phenomena it is today.
My Harry Potter books are the most loved and reread out of all the stories in my bookshelf, to the point where I've had to replace them because they were falling apart. I remember the first time I read the first book and finished it... Then immediately started reading it again. I was 11 when I first read it, the same age as The Boy Who Lived Himself, and already had a strong love affair and desire for all things English. It was tenfold once I found Harry Potter. I was starting to entire a difficult period of life at that time and would often sit on the roof of my house and think while looking out into the distance of the mountains... Wishing that England was behind them and my own amazing destiny was soon to come. Just like everyone else, I dreamed of the day my letter to Hogwarts would come.
I get into these moods where I recall those memories and feelings and it all comes back to me just as strongly as it did then. I get into that funk where I doubt what I'm doing and where I'm going and then I get disappointed and upset that certain paths aren't... available to me. It gets harder and happens more frequently as I get older, 27 is just around the corner for me and it's pretty terrifying to not be exactly where you thought you would be at a certain age. I suppose also, although I care deeply for Kris, I sometimes keep wondering when my charming, dark and handsome, British man is coming for me. Yes ladies, that is my version of a knight in shining armor. I can't help myself.
I guess I'm writing all this out here because I don't know where else to express this melancholy that surrounds me at present or how to shake it off. However, I hope it passes quickly and I can figure out what I need to do.
Lastly, my family in Tulsa is so far unscathed in the Oklahoma tornadoes (thank god I escaped one of my worst nightmares just before it happened) but my prayers are with them that they will continue to escape them and all those that have been effected by them. Please keep them in your thoughts.