Remember Me?

Oh hey! Sorry to jump out at everyone like that but just letting you guys know that I'm still here!

I know I post on and off this blog a lot but sometimes life gets in the way of blogging. As much as I would love to be a full-time blogger, my other passions won't allow it. I've even put my photography business on the back burner for awhile after some creativity burnout. Working a full time job at an animal shelter takes so much out of you. It's the most rewarding work I've ever done while also being the most draining. However, now that I've just gotten a promotion (yay me!) into a better position where I'm focused more on the dogs and less on talking to crazy people... I'm hoping to start up both again.

So what did you guys miss out on in the last few months?
--I turned 30. That's crazy. I celebrated with my closest friends in San Diego, went to Tijuana, and got a taco tattoo. Because why not?
--Added to the ever growing zoo by getting Johnny a hedgehog for his birthday and adopting one of our foster kittens permanently.
--Johnny and I went to Portland for a few days and it was the best vacation I've had in awhile besides being much needed. I love that city with my whole heart.
--Went to Life is Beautiful which was a whole lot of fun with good friends.
--Recently got promoted as Canine Playgroup Specialist at the shelter.

Besides the constant revolving door of foster animals I take in, that's pretty much it. Life has been hectic, busy, stressful, and fun. Of course there's always behind the scenes stuff that's too personal to mention on here but everything's going really well for me lately. I would love to promise to update more regularly and of course I'm going to try. Thanks for hanging in there with me even when I'm not consistent, I appreciate every single one of you reading.

Pit Bulls and Why I Rescue Them.

I've been working in rescue and animal welfare for about 2 years now. Two years of happy and sad tears, frustration, pure joy and fuzzy warm feelings, and a little thrill of danger every now and then. I'm so glad to have finally found my calling but it wasn't easy.

I was always one of those kids that had a million different ideas in my head on what I wanted to be when I grew up. I was always bringing home animals when I was a child, I was obsessed with them. I went to zoo summer camps and most people figured I would become a veterinarian. However I never had any interest in that idea. It just wasn't appealing. So I flitted through my teens and early twenties just kind of floating by while everyone else went to college and had a plan. Everyone else knew what they were meant to do... Except me. Now I'm not complaining, I had some great times that I'll forever cherish. It just took longer for that lightbulb to finally go off.

A cute guy after a bad breakup was the one who finally switched on the light. A friend had passed away and we had met at a memorial party. We should have always known each other, the tight circle that our friends had... But we didn't. A couple of my friends introduced us, "He likes dogs." They said. And he did. He lived out of state and was passionately involved with a pit bull rescue. We loosely dated for a few months and in that time period, not only did I fall hard, but he inspired me so much when it came to his rescue work. I had always heard the myths surrounding pit bulls although I can't say I took it as seriously as some people did. He had three of them, all rescues, and were some of the sweetest dogs I had ever met despite coming from awful circumstances like fighting rings. He had rescued dogs in the field, had cut them free from chains... I learned a lot from him. I learned about the stigma, and the truth that was buried beneath it. That time spent with him and seeing what he did, it sparked something in me that I hadn't felt in a long time, if ever.

While we didn't work out romantically (but are still friends) he gave me something better than a relationship. He planted the seeds of inspiration to finally do what I was meant to do. I started looking into rescues to volunteer with which led to me photographing dogs for adoption. That led to me helping with events and pulling dogs that were being surrendered (or in a few instances rescuing in the field). I wanted more, I wanted to do more. Itching to learn from the best of the best was what inspired me to apply for the internship at Best Friends. That internship led to employment at Best Friends and my time spent there is what ultimately helped me land the job I have now. And my guy friend gave me advice and supported me along the way. I feel like I can look to him as an Animal Welfare colleague these days and still hope to be able to do half the things he has accomplished.

I fight hard for bully breeds these days even though I aim to rescue all dogs. They hold a dear place in my heart. They are wonderful, loyal, happy, energetic dogs. I have yet to meet one I didn't like. Yes they have their issues but that goes for any breed. A dog selective bully is no different to Murderface, my Husky/Border Collie mix who's also dog selective.

You never know how or when you'll find the path to your future. It might be in the sparkle of a cute guy's eyes, an unexpected loss, or the slobbery kisses of a cropped ear dog. But it will find you, eventually.

2015

I'm writing this from my new comfy couch

In my new cozy place

In my new town

In my new state

Where I started my new job on New Years Eve

That brought sparkly new snow.

So much new to start 2015.

Yes, I'm now living in Utah and I'm officially a Dog Caregiver at Best Friends.

The move was harder then I thought, I won't have internet till next week so between getting here and all the holiday festivities I've been extremely busy.

As you can see Murderface has adapted well, he's loving the snow.

You'll notice Jasper doesn't make an appearance in any of these photos as he refuses to come outside in this white wet stuff.

I'm still adjusting to living in a small town, especially a small town that actually gets snow.

Apparently Vegas got a freak snow storm right after I left, go figure.

I miss my family and friends a lot, I really miss my boyfriend and my grandparents.

I've never been this far away from them before so yes... Still adjusting but my new job makes it so worth it.

I'm reunited with my other boyfriend, the beautiful bully Bruno and it's been a magical winter wonderland since my very first day. Everyone has been really kind and welcoming and mostly everyone remembers me so it's been smooth sailing so far as I get back in the swing of things here.

Oh, I also did have a great Christmas with Johnny and both our families...

I have a feeling our relationship might be headed for new things as well, 

we are talking about him possibly moving up here within a few months which would be wonderful.

2014 was a great year and I'm thinking 2015 might be even better.

Thank you all who read this blog and follow along through the years,

it means a lot to me. Truly.

I'm excited to share my adventures at Best Friend's here and you can also see awesome pictures that I don't always post here on my Instagram.

Weekly Snapshots

1. Nymeria is officially one of the family, she was adopted last week and will live with my grandparents.

2. Murderface is in the Christmas spirit.

3 & 4. I had my Going Away/Christmas get together over the weekend with #teambaddecisions, I decided to channel my inner Carrie Bradshaw with an extra poofy tulle skirt since I doubt I'll be dressing up much in Kanab. Can't believe I'm moving in less then a week! Still so conflicted about it.

5. Went to a baby shower and finally got to play in a photo booth with my love and my friends. 

It's almost Christmas! I can't wait!

Christmas Time is Here

It's really good to be home.

It's already been a jam-packed schedule since I got back.

So much to do, so little time.

Christmas photo sessions, christmas shopping, starting my NKLV Rescue Only photo project, drinking as much christmas Starbucks drinks as possible since I've been having withdrawals for a month...

Preparing for the follow up on hopeful good news I should be getting today.

Not to mention enjoying time with my boyfriend and friends and celebrating the season.

We took our Christmas card photos last night, the two black and white photos made the cut and I'm excited to send them out to everyone.

We also went ice skating at the Cosmo yesterday with my best friend and her boyfriend which is one of my favorite things to do. They have the most amazing holiday drinks, The Ugly Sweater and The Griswold were my favorites not to mention they now have a snow machine so you can ice skate while it's snowing. It's lovely and a lot of fun.

I hope you guys are all enjoying the holidays as much as I am lately.

Thankful

Thankful to be finishing my last week as a Best Friend's Intern tomorrow.

Thankful to be starting my employment trial at Best Friend's next week, fingers crossed.

Thankful that I've finally started following my dreams and things are falling into place.

Thankful that my photography business keeps growing and expanding to new opportunities.

Thankful for all my wonderful family and friends that love and support me.

Thankful for my best friend/boyfriend who drove up here to spend Thanksgiving with me.

Thankful for my Murderface, Jasper, Sinatra, and Nymeria because I wouldn't be doing what I do if it wasn't for animals like them.

Thankful for my life.

And this schmuck.

Oh hey... I'm in a Relationship now

Sometimes you really do end up being with your best friend.

It only took years of friendship and 5 years of bad timing to figure it out. 

Johnny was worth the wait, it's nice to have someone who loves and cares about me enough that he's willing to knock down my walls little by little and actually truly waited for me to be ready. 

I'm a lucky lady. 

Dad Memories.

I just got back into town yesterday from my dad's funeral. I know the worst is over but with Christmas right around the corner, this is so much harder then I anticipated. 

I left Tulsa with a bunch of pics of my dad and it's just a bittersweet reminder of why I love photography so much. In the end, all you have are the memories.

The last two are so meaningful to me because I've been trying to get my hands on a copy of the photo of me with my cousins for ages and now I finally have it. 

I've lost my cousin and my dad within a span of two years. 

I pray for a good Christmas, a decent one at least.

And a break from pain and loss. 

Goodbye Dad.

My Dad passed away in his sleep last night. Cancer finally did it's job.

I know that people say it's suppose to be easier when you know it's coming but it's not. It really isn't.

The pain is the same. The grief is still there. The numbness has completely just taken over. My heart is broken not just for myself but mostly for my Mom and my brother. My Mom just lost her soulmate, my brother just lost his best friend. 

There are really no words to describe how completely, for lack of a better word, fucked up this is.

My Dad should have had years left of life to enjoy. He should have been able to see my brother and I marry and start families and meet his future grandkids. It's so unfair. 

Thank you Dad for everything you did for me. You stepped up to be my Dad when you didn't have to and I always respected the hell out of you for doing that, even during the pre-teen to teenage years when we just didn't get along at all. I wish a lot of things could be redone or different. I don't know how we are going to manage without you.

Please look over Mom and Steven. Please tell Colin I miss him and love him. 

At least you guys are with each other now.

Goodnight Moon. (A Personal Moment)

"There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls" - George Carlin

I'm feeling the itch again. The itch to blog and share. I really needed this hiatus. Between a breakup, love triangle, and the fact that my dad is dying from cancer… The shit had basically hit the fan people.

I've always blogged when I've been in a relationship. Isn't that weird? It seemed awkward to blog when Kris and I broke up, to not have that relationship security. I can't really explain why… It just felt not right.

And then with my Dad. There comes a time when hope is no longer an option and you have to face reality. It's gotten to a point where people say to me, and I do know they are just trying to be helpful, "Keep your hopes up, hang in there" and I just want to punch them in the face. My Dad had Stage 4 Renal Cell Cancer straight out of the gate. There was never a lot of hope to begin with and believe me, my Mom made sure every opportunity and treatment that was an option was taken. Currently my Dad is in a ridiculously nice hospice center called Clarehouse that doesn't even seem like a hospice place at all and it's run on donations so my parents don't have to pay a dime except for the actual hospice medical staff that comes through. My Mom practically lives there which is what the place is set up to be, a home away from home. My Dad has always and forever been a stubborn man. He's not the kind of guy that deals well with medical situations and refuses to accept any situation. I went out there to see them the week before Thanksgiving and the day before I got there, he wheel chaired himself to the front desk and said "I'd like to check out please. Don't tell my wife." which was amusing but sad at the same time. He wants to go home. If I was him, I would want to go home. He can't, my Mom can't physically or emotionally handle everything and at home hospice care runs $400 a day. This is the only best possible option. And it sucks. 

Because my Dad is never going to come home. 

We would consider it a gift if he makes it past Christmas.

It's a truly shitty situation and there is nothing to do but wait.

I am blessed that my Mom, Dad, and brother have made some truly amazing friendships in Tulsa and have a really great and surprisingly large group of support.

My friends here have been letting me know that they are always available and I'm thankful for that, they know me well enough to know that I'll turn to them when I need them most.

This is why I haven't been blogging.

It's felt weird to try and post things in the spirit of pretending that my life is good and happy. It's not, not at all. I'm doing ok, I have happy moments and happy days but overall as a whole.. It's nowhere close to being fantastic. We didn't celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas is going to be small and quiet compared to Christmas's past. Three years ago I lost my favorite cousin a week before Christmas and it's likely this Christmas will be just as tragic. My favorite holiday… I'm holding on to it because I want it to be the best it can be during these crappy times.

That and photography, I've thrown my heart and soul into my work lately. It's the one thing where I don't think about anything except what I'm doing.

It is my lifesaver.

I miss writing here in my personal space. I miss sharing my work. I miss taking cute pictures of myself and sharing them in the name of an Outfit of the Day post. I'm slowly going to work back to that. I'm going to try and start sharing more of my photos again because in essence this is what this blog has always been about. But forgive me if not all my posts are mindless chatter about mundane things like outfits and beauty or whatever. And they aren't all happy and upbeat. Because in reality this blog is suppose to be about me and currently… This is what I'm about. I'm confused. I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm waiting for the worst to happen. I hope you'll keep reading regardless. I hope you stick around.

Thank you.

P.S. It would mean a lot to me if this holiday season you would donate to Clarehouse. This place is run purely on donations and it's the reason why the last few months of my dad's life will not be spent in a scary medical environment. His room looks exactly like my parents room in their house, he has a balcony that overlooks pretty property which is constantly visited by birds. The staff is ridiculously kind and caring and they have volunteers that come in and keep people occupied, not just the patients but the entire family. This place and these people have taken a huge load off my family especially my Mom. By donating you help not just my family but many others. If you are in the Tulsa Ok area you can also volunteer or donate items of need.

Donate to Clarehouse.

Old Friends.

I got to hang out with this super Champion dude last night. He's an old friend from high school that I had Foods class with and was one of the guys in our Prom group... Years have passed but the friendship has never changed.

He's still the same completely insane guy I've always known which is great because...

You might recognize him from this.

Yep.

Stefan, my old friend, is part of the KriStef Brothers which recently competed on America's Got Talent.

Unfortunately they were eliminated from the Finals but they are going on tour soon.

I got to catch up with him while he was briefly in town before starting tour... 

Heard some crazy stories and what the act would have been if they made it to finals..

You guys missed out if you didn't vote!

I'm incredibly proud of him though. 

Stefan was made for fame and it hasn't gone to his head at all.

He's still the exact same crazy and outrageous dude I've known since high school.

I'm always so happy to see my friends do what they love and make something of themselves.

Though it is weird to see him made into gifs and have a fandom on Tumblr.

Make sure to catch them when they come to a city near you (they are basically traveling all over the USA in October), you really don't want to miss them!

You can find their touring schedule and book tickets here.

Blogtember - Only Photos aka "Sometimes I Model"

I'm jumping into the middle of Blogtember because 

A. I like to live vicariously on the edge and..

B. My life revolves around photos.

I'm taking a deep breath and showing you guys something I wasn't sure I would ever share...

As a photographer I sometimes help out other fellow photogs by being their muse.

A few months ago I modeled for a boudoir shoot.

The following images are indeed... The sexier side of me.

Single

I love this man. A lot.

Which is why we both decided to end our relationship... for now.

Confused?

Absence can make the heart grow fonder but it can also cause a lot of stress...

Specially when you aren't sure where either of you are geographically destined and even more concerning, not knowing WHEN you will be together again.

I had a fantastic time on my trip, we had a great time together.

We realized if we were able to just be together, things would be easier.

But that's not the case right now...

So instead of having our relationship head towards a cliff, we decided to put it on the back burner.

We still talk. We still love each other. We just need to each get things sorted out in our own lives and focus on other things.

But it's nice to have a breakup that ends with some hope. And that's pretty quiet... Changing your Facebook relationship status when it's set to "Only Me" is like ripping off a bandaid and not having all the pain and backlash follow.

So yes....

I'm a single lady.

And I'm ok with that.

Bangarang

So if you follow me on Twitter then you'll know that this happened yesterday...

I got bangs y'all! Like, actual thick bangs that aren't whispy and ridiculous!

At first I wasn't sure I liked them but they are really growing on me and I got quite a few compliments last night.

Best part?

For some reason they make me feel like I look British. So that's a win.

What hairstyles are you loving?

Would you ever take a crazy hair risk?

Life Lately....

This past week has been a trip.

>> I said goodbye to an old friend with his family and our friends. It was sad but at the same time, so much fun to be with all my old friends again. We all went out together afterwards to the bar we have been going to since we were underage. I'm not exaggerating when I say friendships were mended and memories were shared that night, I also found out other sad things about people I still care about that are unfortunately no longer in my social circle... But that's life. I'm glad that in the light of death and sadness, there was still laughter and goodness to come out of it.

>> The day after the memorial, my boyfriend decided to come and be here with me for a few weeks. He drove all night to show up on my doorstep early in the morning and it's nice to have him here with me for awhile after being apart for so long. We both needed to see each other, specially with everything that's happened. He's probably going to be hanging out till the 10th of August and then he will drive back up to Oregon  and wait for a week and a half till I fly out there for my birthday trip. I've been busting out all my Italian cooking now that I actually have someone around that appreciates it!

>> Monsoon season has hit Sin City. It's funny how crazy people get about the rain, my Facebook feed turns into the Weather Channel every time it even sprinkles. It has been nuts though, the first storm brough 75 mph winds and there were quite a few lightning fires, power outages, and ripped up trees. Driving through my friend's neighborhood, we saw a tree in a house and one had landed on a car. It was pretty crazy. The last few storms have been pretty tame in comparison and we just wait them out by doing this..

>> Horse head masks are the best thing ever.

>> Summer semester is over in five days!! Hooray! 

Unfortunately these last two semesters are going to really really really suck for me. This fall I'm taking Communications and Statistical Methods.... If you guys didn't know this already, I'm really terrible at math. Like extremely awful. The fact that I haven't taken a math class in over ten years makes it even worse. Which leads to my next bad school thing... My very last classes I need to take is my Capstone Course and my Math class. Only two classes before graduating right? So I have to study to take a placement test that will hopefully place me in the Math class I need... Otherwise I may have to take a lower level class to get into the actual credited class I need which means extending my graduation date to next Summer or Fall instead of Spring. Phew, so irritating! So even though I have a month off till Fall semester, I'll be spending it studying math for the placement test. 

You can cry for me, I appreciate your tears. 

So that's been my life lately. 

Fill me in on yours!

>> August is the last month that my summer ad space will apply! Use the Promo Code "SUMMERFOX" for a $5 discount on all ad spaces! Get it while you can!!

Goodbye my friend.

I got some bad news today. Unfortunately one of my friends took his own life last night, he is the one on the left in the picture above. Exactly the same way my cousin lost his life. I'm sad, mad, and confused all at once. It's really heartbreaking to not know why he would do this. He could have talked to anyone of us, we would have been there. 

I'm sorry you were in so much pain Alex. I hope you're at peace, wherever you are. We love you and miss you and I'm truly sorry that this happened.

Suicide is NEVER the answer. 

If you or someone you know needs help, PLEASE reach out to someone before it's too late.

You can find Counseling & Prevention Resources here.